I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
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Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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