Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
