I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
