hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
