I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
