Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
