The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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