he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize