dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
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I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
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Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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