so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
