Me too!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
