I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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