I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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