I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
