Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
