I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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