So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
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But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out