Umm I'm too high to move.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
