Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
