he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
