I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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