He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Semen is not good for contacts.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
