anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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