The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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