bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
