is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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