Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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