Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
