In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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