just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
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i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
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No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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