Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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