they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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