im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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