WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I got inside last night via doggy door
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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