This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
