Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
