i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
