But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
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