Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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