Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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