Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
