I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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