I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
