he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
