so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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