Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
