She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
