It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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