Cold hands, warm shart.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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