he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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