i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
