Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
