The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
