yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
