Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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