I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
