if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
