I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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