I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
