I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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