Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
